Just Some Bois Playin' B-Ball
by moonmoonmoonfire
Summary: Also includes Skyrim, Oblivion, Kingdom Hearts, Rayman, Cambridge Latin Textbook, and Orange-kun! Just Some Bois Playin' B-Ball
1. THINGS KEEP FUCKING HAPPENING

Luke Skywalker is really really happy and all that and he goes home to Qui-Gon Jin to talk. He maybe shows him the new slogan. Master Qui-Gon Jin, after he read the new slogan, was mad. Master Qui-Gon Jin curses at Luke Skywalker. The dastardly couple flourished in each other presence and thus couldn't contain their furious love any longer, with a bold kiss. They led each other to the bedroom and unleashed their Force so hard that even yoda would be ashamed. The moans emanating from that oh-so-distasteful back closet would be heard and told to future padawans for centuries as ghosts. They were right though, a ghost of a steamy, passionate night.

Anakin Skywalker bolted upright in his bed, and screamed in fright. Boy, that sure was a weird dream. And yet, even as it was all a dream, it felt a bit too real. Yoda chuckled. "You mean the Chaos Emeralds?" He said without meaning to. He could sense everything with the force, yet there were some things that escaped him. Yoda floated into the the oblivion that was Luke's heart. "Darkness within darkness you shall know, only then will you escape from down below." With these words, Yoda screamed as hot-doggu chan danced and that snapchat hotdog repeated " **K̷͕̣͕͎͛̚͘̚I̵̯͓̻͑̎̄̇͜L̴̛͈̭̖̿̓̍͜L̷̢̦̲͚̏͑̾̏ ̴̮͓̪͗̊̾͠ͅT̷̢̲̳͌̒̾̚ͅH̷̡̭̝̺͐̚̕͝E̸͉͉̥̥͑̀́͝ ̸̞̱̣̩͑͒͌͌P̷̨̞̯̮̌̽͋͝O̷̙͖̩̻͂̐̑̓Ṕ̵̠̯̙̔̚͝ͅE̶̜̭̟̝̍̀̓̉** "

Luke Skywalker cried of loneliness. Qui-Gon Jin was dead, and there was nothing he could do. He flicked his wrist, and suddenly he had a Keyblade! "KEYBLADE" shouted Xehanort, as he created a rift in space time in order to acquire the Keyblade, thereby destroying the entire Star Wars universe. "Fuck, I have a really fucking bad feeling about this" Han Solo said, as he was flung into the oblivion.

A new world was created, an atlantis of sorts that housed the next part of this adventure. The oblivion portal was split apart, breaking like a rich woman's vase, shattering and releasing Alduin once again. In the indecipherable dragon tongue he spoke "HAH, TRY AND GET ME NOW DRAGON BITCH BOY". Sadly, to us mortals it sounded more like "Lok' Eres Fro'a Rrat" but for this fanfiction's sake it sounded like an anime schoolgirl . Han Solo breathed once again as he landed directly on Alduin's back. "Alright you mangy fuckin' mutt, take me home!" "WHAT THE FUCK" screams Alduin.

Caecilius was not happy with any of this. Standing on the grass, Caecilius sighed and whispered to himself "you know I had to do it to em." Suddenly, Syphax the motherfucker was standing behind him with a fucking knife in his hand. Sneaking ever so quietly behind Syphax, he stabbed him in the shoulder. As the life drained from Caecilius' eyes, he whispered in his ear "s0rry sweatie, that's my line. Uwaa~ +-(^・ω・^ )-+". It was only at the last moment that it is revealed Caecilius studied Substitution Jutsu. Just as the knife hit, the log appeared and he limped into the forest clutching his now useless noodle arm. The blood spewed out, yet it did not leave a discernible trail as he limped into the forest. No one seemed to notice as Alduin was still bucking Han Solo off of his back. That of course was very entertaining. Syphax just kind of left.

"If you two can't clump happily, I'm going to get aggressive." Said Xehanort to Alduin and Han Solo, except what Alduin and Han heard was " **Ḱ̶̨̭͇̼̙͚̲̮̙͂̆̉̍͌̾̀͠͝ͅE̶̡̝͎͎̰͚͍͈̪̣̿͋̅́̈́͗́͛̈́̕Y̵̡̨̖͚̭̥̭̲͎̙͗̾̃̿̾͝͝͠͝͝B̸̡̳̘͉̫̲͕̰̯̀́͑͐͗̒̈̋̕͝ͅL̴̹̝̹͉̲̼̻̫̣̜̓͌͗͐̓̿́̕͘̚Ă̶̳̥̥̥͓̲̭̮̖̦̽͗̏̑̆̈́̃͘͝D̵̟̱̪̯͔͎̫͕̀͋͑̽̌̅͗̕͜͝͝ͅE̸̢̛͔̝̗̳̭͚̳̭̼͆̀̔̇̈́̇́͂̽** " Han Solo just kind of shrugged. With their eyes meeting from across the distance, a young and oh so handsome RayMan stared back hauntingly. Han Solo gently undressed suavely, showing his wrinkly skin (Did I mention he is 53 in this? No? Well now I have) and Alduin stood on all fours, assuming a dog-like position. "Are you two gonna keep me waiting?" Without understanding a single thing Alduin said, but seeing the look in his devilish eyes, Rayman held Han's hands and approached a nearby empty castle with alduin sighing behind knowing he and his friends were about to cause a downpour with all the steam to be created in that castle. Xehanort followed close behind. He enjoyed watching that.

Ash Ketchum woke up. "I'm gonna go get a Pokeyman!" he said excitedly. Ash Ketchum left to go to Professor Oak's lab. While he was on his way to the lab, Gary Oak took the Charmander that he got from his grandpa and went to the convenience store. He bought a knife and gave it to his Charmander. "Charmander, we need to get you some experience." Gary said with a solemn expression on his face. "Char?" Charmander looked up at Gary innocently. "Don't look at me like that! Take the fucking knife!" Gary started crying, and Charmander started crying as well. Charmander tried to push the knife away. "God dammit…" said Gary. "I picked the wrong Pokemon."

Meanwhile, Ash Ketchum finally reached the lab. "I WANT A BOKEMAN" he shouted. "DON'T FUCKING SHOUT AT ME I'M OLD" Professor Oak shouted also. Professor Oak turned to his machine and took out an orange. "Here you go kid." Ash Ketchum took his orange excitedly and left the lab. Outside, Gary Oak was waiting for him. "Alright Charmander, just like we practiced." Gary said, tears still in his eyes. "Char Char Fuckers, let's do this" "HOLY SHIT CHARizARD YOU CAN TALK?" "You blind mortal fool, you hear only what you w-" Gary grabbed charmander off the ground, knife in hand and ran to Pprof. Guzma who screamed in fear of the talking pokemon and (because this is totally not in bootleg america) tried to shoot the charmander but the small god pokemon effortlessly dodged. In his deep sexy voice "You mortal fools didn't listen to me when I spoke so, I deem this planet unworthy of my offspring. Thus, as stated, in my final creed, I WILL DESTROY YOU AND TH-" a loud THOk pierced the sound waves as charmander was shot in the leg. "HOLY SHITIREALLY DID PICK THE WRONG POKEMON!11!" screamed Gary Oak.

"what the shit was that?" said Ash Ketchum, still ready to go on his journey with his orange. Gary Oak's Charmander was finally sedated and sent off to the medical industry for testing. "Wait do I get another Pokemo?" said Gary Oak hopefully. "No because I hate you." said Professor Oak. Gary Oak was sad. Then Xehanort fucking drove a car through the dimension and ran over Professor Oak. Xehanort shouted "KEYBLADE" and his Smart Car Translator™ translated: "Get in loser we're going Keyblading." Gary Oak got in the car and they drove really fast. 80 miles an hour. The car was a DeLorean. The Back To The Future theme started playing and Gary Oak sang "AND YOU BETTER PROMISE ME WE'LL GO BACK IN TIME!" as they tore through the space-time continuum yet again for like the 47th time today.

Ash Ketchum walked down Route 1 and his orange rolled along with him. A Rattatatouille stole all of his food in order to make the most wonderful dish that is the most pleasing to the taste buds. "Holy fucking shit what the fuck is that." said Ash Ketchum. He consulted the orange. "Rattata. It likes seeds, nuts, fruits, and berries. It also comes out into open fields to steal food from stupid travelers." Suddenly the field and forest caught on fire because of how badly Ash got burned. Ash managed to recover from his burn just enough to retrieve a Pokeball from his bag. "Go Abomination!" A horrible cross between a Weezing, Golbat, Mr. Mime, and Alakazam came out of the ball. "Is this MissingNo?" Ash inquired, fearing for his life. "No fuck you." said the ever wise orange. Ash left the Pokemon of Route 1 to perish under the wrath of the abomination, and moved on to Viridian City.

Who's that Pokemon?


	2. On the road to Viridian City

**Full Chapter Title: On the road to Viridian City, Everything is going horribly**

* * *

It's Orange-kun!

Viridian City was absolutely on fire probably. Ass Ketchup arrived with his orangey "friend", and went straight to the gym. "GIOVANNI YOU MOTHERFUCKER COME OUT AND FIGHT ME!" screamed Ash like a little bitch baby. Giovanni showed up and Ash immediately started fiercely punching and kicking him while Giovanni dodged every single hit. Every. Single. Hit. Giovanni is squatting curiously over the now defeated lad. He quickly and efficiently attempted to punt the loser into the previous route, but seeing as this is Route 1…he hurt himself in confusion! Ash took advantage of this to try and kick Giovanni in his stupid head. He succeeded, and Giovanni's head flew clean off. Ash is now a fucking murderer. Officer Jenny showed up to attempt to arrest Ash but then Xehanort and Gary Oak ran over Officer Jenny in their DeLorean.

"WHAT UP BITCH BABY." shouted Gary fucking Oak. This fucker just won't leave. Anywho, Jeseth and Jamison and also Moweth, the classic trio said as they emerged from the nearby shadows of a prop Bibarel and screamed IN ABSOLUTE TERROR BECaUSE FUCK YOU THE gYM LEADER IS DEAD. Gary Oak pulled out a FUCKING GUN and shot Ash in his head. Ash was dead. Orange-kun jumped into the DeLorean and they rocketed off into oblivion. Then they began a new adventure in Oblivion, the absolute hellscape of the gaming community. The echoes of "LOL NOOB" and "WTF MY CONTROLLER ISN'T WORKING" harshly bounced off the walls of this dark purpley landscape.

They went to pick up Grandpa Piss, that absolute bitch baby of a banana. Grandpa Piss Mc Bitch Baby Ok so, Grandpa piss baby was munching on a bag of clear gummy pineapples. He stood up quietly after realizing that the party of fuck wads was approaching. "AAAAA? WHAT WHO IS THIS WHAT ARE YOU DOING? HOW THE FUCK DID YOU FIND MY CAVE?" (but with more yelling but i'm hella lazy so just _Imagine_ ) The crew of dipshits realized grandpa piss had become senile so the rational decision was to dodge anything they could. When our brave bitch boys had noticed the Grandpa piss had finally worn himself down enough, they threw Orange-kun at his head, and somehow?it worked? THIS GROWN ASS MAN GOT KNOCKED OU- y'know what I'm just gonna stop questioning this as this point. Orange-Kun was a God anyway, so it was kind of inevitable. ANYWAY, they shoved him in the trunk of the DeLorean, and drove off into the sunset.

Gary Oak was uncomfortable. "What are we even gonna do with this guy?" Xehanort smirked. "KEYBLADE." "Alright I guess." said Gary Oak, who did not understand anything. Unfortunately, no one was paying attention to where the hecky they were driving, and they crashed into a castle. The castle was home to none other than the massive dragon orgy mentioned in the chapter previous. When they crashed through the east wing dining room, the description suddenly stopped, because this was the fabled sex castle, castle of sex, and you already know what they're going to do. BLOW THE PLACE APART wait what? no…OK MAYBE NOT SO VIOLENT MAYBE A LIL MORE SEXY, like Xehanort got out of the DeLorean and did like a sexy pose before dropping the bombs, getting back into the DeLorean, and speeding off. Han Solo and Rayman were dead from the blast, and Alduin was angrier than he had ever been before. Alduin the World Eater soared after the DeLorean, but it reached 80 miles per hour and booty-blasted into another time period before Alduin could catch up. He roared, and swore to find them again.

Syphax was standing on a cliffside, doing it to 'em, watching the wind take its effect, swirling around the trees. He was ready to do his deed, destroying his waifu, Caecilius-chan. He had trained like never before after being banished for hesitation against Caecilius. Working with someone new, he had become a more of an opponent, shoving away any past connections with his summer lover. Sweet, sexy Caecilius was no longer in Syphax's mind. He was nothing more than the remnants of something dream-like. Syphax knew he would have to do it to 'em. A single tear rolled down the man with the callused heart. "UwU what's this? I suppowse I stiw hawve some humanitwy weft, aftew aw this time...such pitifuw cweatures we awe, unabwe to woose usewess things wike feewings uwu."

Caecilius came out of the forest with an ultra cool robot arm and, having heard what Syphax said, let out a mighty "WHAT HTE FUCK." and shot him with the gun implanted in his robot arm. It was kind of awkward though, because the robot arm was not where his missing arm was, and was instead strapped to the shoulder of his good arm. Syphax was hit in the gut, and he fell to his knees. "UwU Caecilius-chan, I newver thought you could defeat me." Caecilius, clearly annoyed, yelled "STOP TALKING BITCH BABY." However, before he could take the final shot and finish off his ex-lover, the DeLorean showed up and ran over Syphax, killing him instantly. Caecilius was not happy. "YOU HAVE DENIED ME MY REVENGE, NOW YOU SHALL PERISH, WORMS." he screeched like a dying pterodactyl, and maybe he was a little bit like a dying pterodactyl as well, in his heart. "HOLY FUCK, DRIVE XEHANORT, DRIVE!" screamed Gary Oak, who had a crippling phobia of robotic arms.

Xehanort stepped on the gas pedal as hard as he could, but Caecilius used his robot arm to shoot one of the tires of the DeLorean, stopping them in their tracks. Gary Oak screamed like a little bitch baby. "KEYBLADE." said Xehanort, and he was probably cursing. Caecilius approached the DeLorean, ready to take his final shot, but Orange-Kun quickly jumped out and opened the trunk, letting out Grandpa Piss. "ORANGE-KUNT WHAT FUCK DO YOU THINK ARE YOU THINKING? GRANDPA PISS BABY IS TOO STRONGE" screamed Gary Oak. But it was too late. Grandpa Piss was out, and he was, for lack of a better word, PISSED. About five seconds later, Caecilius was dead, and Grandpa Piss was on a rampage. "WHAT THE FUCK ORANGE-KUN?" exclaimed Gary Oak. Orange-Kun was hungrier than it had ever been.


	3. TIME TO PERISH MURDER BOY

THIS TIME ON JUST SOME BOIS PLAYIN' B-BALL:

Grandpa Piss was on a fucking rampage. Xehanort and Gary Fucking Oak looked at Orange-Kun, who was smirking evilly with the mouth it didn't have. "Well fuck." said Gary Fucking Oak. "Now we gotta get G-pa Piss back into the trunk." "KEYBLADE." agreed Xehanort. They set off on a quest to find the one thing that could subdue the strong Grandpa Piss: The Great Sword of Justice™ Which, as everyone knows, resides in the BlackScrotes' hall.

Gary (Fucking) Oak and Xehanort walked through Tamriel, and crossed the border into Skyrim. "KEYBLADE!" shouted Xehanort as he pointed into the distance. Gary looked where he was pointing, and it turns out that "the distance" was barely 5 feet in front of them, and there was a huge fucking fight going on. People in red clothes were fighting people in blue clothes, and there was one guy that was just trying to steal a horse. Gary Fucking Oak and Xehanort watched the fight for a minute or two, but then someone came up behind them and knocked them both out at the same time with a Fucking Hammer.

When Gary Fucking Oak woke up from his forcefully induced slumber. He and Xehanort were in a cart with the horse thief, a blue clothes guy, and some dude with a gag in his mouth. Xehanort woke a few seconds later. "KEYBLADE" he spoke. "Ah, so you're finally awake." Said the blue clothes dude. "Nope, fuck this shit, I'm not the Dragonborn." Gary Oak declared. Immediately afterward, he and Xehanort clipped through the world. They briefly saw the face of God (Todd Howard), before being deposited in Ivarstead, at the base of the however many steps. Then it started raining. "What the fuck, I don't want to have to deal with this." said Gary Fucking Oak, angrily. Suddenly Brock appeared to give his sage advice. "Just use your frying pan as a drying pan!" "Fuck you." Gary Fucking Oak said, before pulling out a fucking gun and shooting Brock square in the face. "Well now that's settled." said Gary Oak before he and Xehanort began their trek.

They climbed some stairs! They climbed some more stairs! They- oh geez this is a lot of stairs. Well, after climbing a ton more stairs, our… protagonists came across an angry Frost Troll. Gary was surprised to see a disgusting troll in his path, then suddenly his pendant glowed! Through his descendant of the courageous Princess Mew Mew Kissy Cutie the pink light shone through and broke through the snow. With a glimmer and with some sass he yelled "Go Go Power Cuties" and his magical princess dress glittered around him in a fantasmal show of lights. Using his magic wand he screamed "MAGIC CUTIE CUPCAKE BLAST"

The attack did absolutely nothing to the Frost Troll. "USE YOUR FUcKING GUN, IDIOT!" shouted the Frost Troll. "Oh, right" said Gary FUCKING Oak. Gary pulled out his gun and shot the Frost Troll about 52 times. The Frost Troll was dead. "KEYBLADE" said Xehanort, looking quite pleased. They continued on their journey, and after several more stairs, finally reached High Hrothgar, home of the Graybeards.

A horse was sitting next to the doors to High Hrothgar. No one knows why it was there, just that it was, indeed there. Gary took one look at the horse before mounting it and riding it all the way up the mountain, to the Throat of the World. "WHAT THE FUCK." shouted Paarthurnax before Alduin descended from the sky and challenged Gary.

"YOU MORTAL SLIME BITCH BABY, YOU KILLED MY LOVER(S), PREPARE TO DIE." Alduin roared with the thunder of a thousand storms. "How the fuck did you say that parentheses thing out loud?" Gary inquired. "SHUT UP. WE SHALL DUEL." It was a long, hard duel- oh who am I kidding Gary just shot Alduin in the head. "Zu'u unslaad! Zu'u nis oblaan!" Alduin shouted, his voice becoming fainter and fainter as he went on, before he faded out entirely.

"I don't know who the fuck you are, but you need to get the fuck off my mountain right now." Paarthurnax said, before punting Gary down to the front of the Greybeard's… house I guess, where Xehanort was waiting. "KEYBLADE?" he inquired. Gary smiled. "Yeah, it was pretty great."


	4. Whomst've Gave Gary All These Guns?

Anime Opening

Doki Doki Doki, Fuck My Life

While walking down the mountain path after being promptly booted from High Hthrogar, they came across a young traveler making his way up to the top, reading the inscriptions along the way. Gary oak stopped him, "I warn you, the dragon up there? Massive Dick!" he said without thinking how he phrased that or how it came off. The traveler looked up with an odd expression and tilted his head " Jowlenin Wetash...Sass awrful. Awasa poa, Nicloske Ga with Cummuns" he spoke in his native tongue, Simlish. Thats right ladies and gents, a fucking sim in Skyrim! Have mods gone too far? Perhaps, but back to the mission at hand!

Our squad of…heroes(?) found themselves teleported back to the top of the mountain by a bunch of rogue edgy teen dragons while Paarthurnax was asleep. He woke up when he sensed the bitch boy brigade. "GET OFF MY LAWN" shouted grouchy grandpa Paarthurnax. "Well fuckh." said Gary McFucking McOak. Xehanort was displeased. "KEYBLADE." he said. "Yeah now we have to go back down the fucking mountain again." McGary said. Little did he know that, standing right behind them, was Steven the Sim. "ba grooba nabi droo it to em" Steven said menacingly.

Steven was added to the party!

Paarthurnax punted the party down the mountain again, but this time right into the Greybeard's backyard. "GET OFF MY LAWN" they all shouted in unison, like some sort of eldritch thu'um grandpa. "HEY GRAMPS(S), WE'RE HERE FOR THE FUCKIN, UHHHHHHHHH, SWORD!" shouted Gary McFucking Oak, in all his 'glory'. "Sword?" stated the one member of the Greybeards who could speak normally (Arngeir?) "You'll have to prove yourself for that."

"OF FUCKING COURSE I DO, GRAMPS, now what must I do?" Gary Fucking Oak spoke solemnly. "Hmm." pondered Arngeir. "How about a rice ball eating contest?" "What the fuck is a rice ball?" Gary shouted.

Arngeir led our lovely protagonists to wherever the fuck the kitchen is in the darn Greybeard temple or whatever, and showed them a mountain of rice balls that they had somehow had the foresight to prepare. "Where are the rice balls?" Gary asked. "These are the rice balls." Arngeir spoke. "THOSE ARE JELLY DONUTS." Gary fucking yelled. "Ooh be gah." Steven agreed for some reason. "WHAT THE FUCK NO THEY AREN'T JELLY DONUTS THEY'RE RICE BALLS." Arngeir shouted, clearly annoyed. Arengier, as few may know is a massive fucking weeaboo. He has at least 5 waifus and 2 are traps (but let's just assume he knows that already).

"h̸͎̪̝̲͉̮̼̘̓̓̍͌̿̋͒̂͗͘ị̷̗͍̜͔̪̣̤̗̩̊̇̄̉͛̂̾̓́̀n̷̛̖̰͙̻̳̰̹̭͒̾̈́̎̌̑̈́͂̐ͅͅg̵͖̮̮͇̺̯͇̫̯͒͗̏̔́͊̚̚͘͘ͅl̷͓̺͙̙͓̠̘͎̝̮̄̓̇̾̔̇͊͋̈̂ê̷̡̞͉̥͎͉̙̯̮̋̇͆͑̿̓̕̕͠ͅ ̴̟͕̱͉͎̙͕̗̘̘̐̒͊̅̔̃̇͊͊͝m̶̢̞̦͖͓̜͚̠̠͎̽̌̈́̔̈́́̓̈́̽͝y̶̧̮̮͍͒̿̉̈̄̊̀́́̊͜ ̸̨̛̰͈̤͍̥̜̩̦̳́͛̄͒͛͊̎̈́͘b̵̮̥̻̞͕̯̱͇̬̜̃́́͋̔̓͋͊̚͝i̶̧̢̡̠̹̲͖͉̫̫̇̓̀̃̉̍̈́̈͘͠n̷̨̢̛̦̙̩̭͍̹͖̈̆͑̄͗̎̚͜͝͝g̵̨̱̲̤̫̣̺̪̾̋̈́̔̽̐͊͆̏͌͜ͅl̵̢̧̟̻̭̯̺͙̼̍͒̄̐͌̑̄̓̅̿ͅȩ̸̰͙̭̰͖̪̟̖͐͑̒̒̇̇͗̄̕͜͝ ̴̡̞̫̠̞͓̞̯͓͗̆̒͑͗̈́͌͊̾͆͜K̵͔̺̰͚̞̣̝̦̙̂̌̒̓̊̔͊̄͝͝ͅi̵̢͕̳̖̺͑̊̂́̋̈́̈́͠͠͝n̸̨̢̙̲̟̪̏͋̎͂̇̇͑͆̒̚g̸̜͚̍͆͐͂̉̀̉͆̚͝ ̶̢͈̻͙͉͍͚͙̟̮́̓̐̍̅͋͋̊͘͝D̴̢̡̛̺̺̦̝͉̅͌̊̿̌͗̕͘̚e̷̻̟̭͇̯̒̇͗͛͂͐̌͘͝͠d̸̫̜͙͓̘̾́́̆̌̎͛̚͝͠ę̴̛͖͖̦̗̤͉̿̏́̓̈́́͂́̚d̵̺͇̥̥͚͉͍͑̆̄̒̌̓̄̀͝͝e̷̡̝̦̜̫̅̍̑̾̄͗̑͘͘͜͜͝" said Steven, whispering into Borri's ear who proceeded to shout him into a wall. Without a warning, a mighty "WArRiiooOO" was sounded from the horn of Hurgen Jurgen WompfhCaller. Vore the rice balls/jelly donuts. I am disgusted. Vore? In my good christian suburbs? Well who am I to kinkshame? Immediately all of the Greybeards dropped dead at the mere mention of vore. All of them, even Dumblydore. They shall kinkshame us from beyond the grave. They do so because kinkshaming is their kink.

Suddenly a loud screech came from up the mountain "ARE YoU ReaDY KIDSSS? OOOOOOOOOOOOOH" It was the guy in the intro of spongebob. Yknow.. The guy in the painting? The pirate guy? WELL HE BROKE HIS SEALS AND ESCAPED! The world feared Alduin but this? This was their true fear. A giant pirate made of immortal paint. God help those poor souls after what they did next.

Gary Fucking Oak transformed into a magical girl a-FUCKING-gain, and tried to blast the Spingleboob guy with his magical beam. It did absolutely nothing. "KEYBLADE BITCH BABY" Xehanort screamed. "TO SWORD HABBA" shouted Steven the simulated dreamy man. "THE FUCKING SWORD, OF COURSE." yelled Gary _**heck**_ ing Oak. The gang ran around the temple or whatever like chickens with their heads cut off, attempting to find the Sword. Arngeir's force ghost showed up just then.

"Well fuck, you're a jedi?" Gary Oak said. As the only member of the party who could speak normally, he empathized with Arngeir, the only member of the Greybeards who could speak normally. "Of fucking course I am, now why are you trying to find the Sword? You haven't proven yourself." "Jelly donuts." Gary stated with the confidence of a man who had faced God and walked backwards into _Heck_. Arngeir shuddered. "It's in one of the pots by the entrance." the jedi force ghost of the only Greybeard who could talk normally said. "Thank" Gary quickly spoke, and ran off to Xehanort and Steven. "THE POTS" Gary yelled loudly. While running towards the pots, Gary tripped, smashing them all in the process. A rabid chicken fell out of the pot. "HAAH" shouted Gary. The chicken, foaming at the mouth, ran screaming. The rapid chicken proceeded to pick up The Sword of Jammin' Vibes and run off.

"OH FUCK" shouted Gary fucking Oak, swiftly running after the chicken. "KEYBLADE" shouted Xehanort, sticking out Luke Skywalker's keyblade that he stole earlier to trip the chicken, but the chicken hopped over effortlessly. "KEYBLADE" said Xehanort in defeat. Steven threw himself in front of the chicken to try to stop it, but ended up getting stabbed by the sword instead. "Steven! NO" Gary screamed as his friend was killed. The chicken ran off a cliff, leaving the sword stuck in Steven's body. "Ba groobi… nabi… droo it to em." Steven said, and then he died. "Steven… I shall avenge you." Gary pulled the sword out of Steven, being careful not to touch the dead body. "Let's go."

Gary and Xehanort made their way to the outside of the Greybeard temple. "SPONGLE PIRATE" Gary Oak shouted loudly. "YOU HAVE TAKEN SOMETHING DEAR FROM ME." "OHHHH" The pirate sang in it's savage death cry. "HAAAAAH" Gary yelled as he transformed into a magical girl once again, except this time it was a bit more like a Super Saiyan transformation. Gary lifted the Sword, and it began to glow. "THIS IS FOR STEVEN" Gary said, as a magical girl patented laser shot of the Sword, amplified by it's magical powers. The laser blasted the pirate, reducing him to dust. Gary transformed back to normal and collapsed, panting. "It... is done." He regained his breath and stood up. "Now we must defeat Grandpa Piss."


	5. Gary Kills GOD

_**XD sorry this is super late y'all lol**_

* * *

Grandpa Piss was, well, pissed, as he destroyed many worlds. In his Godlike power, he killed many people with but a touch. The God Charizard he had rescued from the science lab flew alongside him, laughing maniacally. "FOOLISH MORTALS, WE ARE YOUR GODS, COWer."

Suddenly, out of the sky fell a DeLorean, with the Back to the Fuckture theme blaring very very loudly.

"FUCKERS?" screamed Gary Oak as the DeLorean landed on a small piece of ground that the two god-like beings had not destroyed. He and Xehanort quickly got out of the car, Gary holding the Rad Sword™. Gary was already in his magical girl form, ready to kick some ASS.

"FOOLS, we have already destroyed all that you care about." shouted Grandpa Piss, in all of his evilness.

"I don't care about anything." Gary said, the Wake Me Up Inside song playing quietly in the background. "KEYBLADE" Xehanort concurred.

"WELL IT DOESN'T MATTER, YOU'LL ALSO BE DEAD SOON." the God Charizard added, charging up a Hyper Beam.

Suddenly, a gunshot was heard, and the God Charizard fell out of the sky, dead. Another gunshot, and Grandpa Piss was crumpled on the ground next to him. "Y-you… my empire…" Grandpa Piss whispered, as he bled out.

Standing above the two corpses, holding a still smoking pistol, was Orange-Kun, with a devilish smile upon his orangey face.

"ORANGE-KUN!" shouted Gary Fuckingmmmmmm Oak, in a surprisingly anime-like voice. "SO IT WAS YOU BEHIND THIS ALL ALONG?"

Orange-kin laughed like an anime villain. "Indeed, I was the one behind this all along. It was I who orchestrated the death of Professor Guzma, of Paarthurnax, of Steven the Sim." Gary gasped at the mention of his friends. Orange-kun continued. "I even orchestrated your own Grandfather's hatred for you." Orange-kun said, his smile growing wider every second, until it was spilling off of his face and burning through the ground like acid.

Gary growled in anger, but he didn't sound intimidating at all, more like a small puppy. "YOU FIEND! YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKING FIEND! FUCK YOU YOU RUINED MY FUCKING LIFE!" Gary screamed as he held up the AWESOME FUCKING SWORD™, and channeled his Super Kawaii Magical Girl beam through the sword in order to shoot Orange-kun, the one who had just absolutely ruined his fucking life.

"SUPERRRR KAWAIII MAGICAL GIRLLLLL BEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAM!1111!1!"

The beam fired, but Orange-kun deflected it with just his orangey skin. "KEYBLADE" exclaimed Xehanort in shock.

"Fufufufufu, indeed, I have absorbed the powers of Grandpa Piss and God-Charizard, and I have added them to my own Godlike powers!. I am truly the perfect being!"

"Hey what's that behind you?" Gary said.

"Oh worm?" Orange-kun said as he turned around to look. Gary then ran over and flipped the switch on his back.

Orange-kun went through and odd, magical girl-like transformation, as he became… "I'M METTATON FUCKING EX?" shouted Orange-kun as he looked down at his new body. They were mere butch babies in comparison.

"KEYBLADE" Xehanort shouted. That roughly translated to "HE'S VULNERABLE NOW"

"o fuc"

Gary did an odd kind of dance as he scrambled for a weapon. He activated a small necklace from that one quest that one time that totally happened. You guys wouldn't know about that quest, she goes to another school. SHe's REAL, GUYS!11!1! The necklace was a small key or something idk.

The key began to glow, and it unlocked another fucking rift in space-time. A pair of spoon-y hands grasped the edges of the rift and pulled a gnarled form completely made out of spoons through. It was him. The Skyrim Peddler, Bethany Esda himself, Toddothy Howard. (Aka God Howard.)

"B̨̡̨̛̲͖̬̖̜̬̝̮̞͇̲͍͚̻̞̍̎̋͂͒̀̿̏̅̄̆͗̓̊̏̍͒͂͒̃̀͂̽̕͜͜͢͝U̧̧͍͕̫͖̞̲͓͉͉̖̹͎̖̤̪̱̠̦̼̗̹̯̗͔̭͎͕̙̒͐̀̿̔̋͂̔̀̇̾̄͋́͑͗̅̑́͛͆͒̍́̕̚͝͝͝Ÿ̵̡̡̛̛̻̜̦̟̞̯̤͖̥̞̺̻͉̪͚̩͈̭͔̗́͆̀̋̐̿̒̃̾̃͌́̀͆̑̓̋̓͠͝͝ͅ ̜̆S̵̡̧̢͈̖͇̤͚̘̜̼̗̹̩̞͓̪̺͖̯̳̥̹̺̣̮̈̃̄͆͂́̾̌͗͑̐̏̌͂̋̀̽͒̓͝͡͝͠K̵̨̞̝̹̲͉͓͈̤̠̺̻̟͈͓̝̮̜̼͙̑̅̾̋̿́̋͌͑̓͊̈́̀́̿͆̆́͑͒̾̂͘͠͝ͅY̷̧̡̺͔̜̗̞̣̺̤̖̤̲̪̩̲̪͙̙͙̙̤͎̐̈́̂̂̏̋͆̔̊̒́̅̽͑̊̒̀̾͑͛̀͒̏́͒̕̕͘ͅŖ̢̨̨̛͕̮͙͖͓̲̠͔̥̝̳̺̘͇͇̏́͑͆̈́̾̋̂̿͛̌̐̑͋̃̈̏̅͗͠ͅỈ̡̼̯̮̼͈͎̳̱̗͓̜̤̩̗̦͉̯̦͙̺̤̭͚̤̫͍͗̏͌̄͐́͒́̇͊͆͐̋̐͒͂̀́̉̍̈́͑̐́͂̕̕ͅM̨̢̝͔͉̳͉̩̹͕̤̭̥̈́̔͋̉̔̋͑̽͋̂͂̎̀͋́͆̚͢͜͟͡͝͝ͅͅ" he shouted in agony, as he did a weird sort-of fast shamble toward Orange kun EX. Orange kun screamed in terror. "NO I PREFER OBLIVION!" The orangey man scrambled backwards, falling over as he did. Toddeth quickly overtook him, standing over him in all of his spoonful glory. Toddlington reached into the trenchcoat covering his spoon-ish body, pulling out a port of Skyrim for the Beyblade. The lord's gun. The same beyblade Moses split the red sea with. After firing this mighty overpriced Disk, The spirit thing of this specific beyblade appeared as a moose. The now gathered nearby convenient townsfolk ghasped and awed at this moose because holy shit have you seen a moose? They're goddamn MASSIVE. If you hit one of these bastards with your fucking car you've just pissed it off.

The moose, upon seeing God Howard is IMMEDIATELY stricken with pure moose rage and charges at him full moose speed. Anyway, upon realizing how royally fucked God Howard is, Howard pulls out his disk, lets it rip and it's some weak ass dragon that gets annihilated by the rabid moose astrally projecting into your realm fucking your wife. You can't stop him, no one can, Your wife is loving it, sorry bud. It was a nice honeymoon till that sexy, sexy moose. So God howard thoroughly fed up with this moose decides to rip open his spoon-chest (y'know, the body chest) and release a swarm of angry wasps that he kept inside of himself (they couldn't sting him because he was made of spoons). The wasps immediately clung to every surface that the moose had to offer and stung the moose over and over and over again. The moose began to swell up from all the wasps stings and started going into anaphy-whatever shock. It fell over face first directly into the spoon man, causing his already fragile spoon body to just… scatter itself all over the ground.

The wasps kept stinging the moose corpse for a few moments because they just do not know when to quit, then they lifted off back up into the air (because unlike bees they don't die) to find a new target. Suddenly all of the wasps faced toward Gary "Bitch Baby" Oak and Xehanort and buzzed menacingly. "OH SHIT, don't FUCKING move!" Gary shouted as he tried to stay as still as possible. "KEYBLADE" Xehanort shuddered, which only attracted the wasps attention even more. "well fuck" Gary whispered, as he knew his end was near. Then Orange Kun EX stood up. "AHHAHAHAHHAHH, OH THE TURN TABLES!" He shouted like some sort of villain dude. The wasps turned to face him. "o fucc" Orange Bitch whispered, as he knew his end was near. Orange Kun Extra Spicy turned to the group "Run fools, I will hold them off! Go! Just..just go!" Gary, still running said "k" and booked it to the nearest cave in a sort of half run half constantly tripping. Orange kun was juiced in the swarm of bastards and just died instantly because only a dumbass fights wasps with a sword. The wasps stung him for a couple more minutes, as they weren't checking to see if he was alive but rather because just fuck wasps man.. Anyway, seeing the *ahem* "heroic" death of his ally, gary realized the true power was in him all along yada yada Friendship etc. etc. Power in Love. He flashed back to those good times with orange kun before he was this smoldering pile of pulp. "The good times,, like when he called me a bitch,,,,,,,, and that other time he coined the term Bitch BOy" gary spoke "Oh wait lol nah he was kinda a dick till the end whoops. But idk that whole dying this Was pretty noble."

Anyway with this new found strength, Gary clasped onto his necklace of the now glowing Special Main Character Amulet of Love and Friendship (S.M.C.A.L.F.) and spoke the words that came to his heart "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH" which is anime girl for "Ultimate Weapon of power get ur bitch ass out here pls" which glowed with the power of deceased moose rage. After the blinding glow subsided, the weapon floated down revealing to be a can of Axe body spray. Gary did not know how to use axe body spray, so he just chucked the can at the wasps. Luckily, wasps love axe body spray, so they just kind of,,,, enveloped the can. "KEYBLADE" Xehanort exclaimed, revealing his hidden deus ex machina (but in this story do we really need that? _Yes we do_ ) powers. From the void (y'know, where sithis does his thing) he summoned a magical girl dress and did some magical spell shit in order to contain the wasps in the dress! Creating a hive (lol) mind magical girl. 'Twas BaguToOppai-chan!

"I'm BaguToOppai-chan!" said BaguToOppai-chan. "FUCK, you need a nickname. You are now Hatchin." said Gary. "Hatchin' what?" said Hatchin. "HATCHIN' SOME FUCKS TO GIVE(?)!" screamed ScaryGary.

And so our heroes ran the fuck off into the sunset (or whatever fucking time it was) and fucked off until another bad fuckin' dude showed up,,,,,,,,,,, see ya space wasp girl,,,,,,,,,,,,


End file.
